Here’s the Real Incompetence & Corruption Checklist You Better Ace
Dreaming of that sweet primary win as a Democrat candidate? Tired of boring competence and integrity getting in the way? Fear not, aspiring ass—here’s the no-nonsense checklist to prove you’re incompetent, ineffectual, and corrupt enough to fit right in with the party’s rising (or sinking) stars. Nail these, and you’re golden. Flunk, and prepare for the circular firing squad.
Embrace Total Policy Paralysis
Nothing screams “future Democrat nominee” like promising the moon and delivering dust. Talk big about fixing inflation, then watch grocery prices soar while blaming “corporate greed” and proposing more regulations that crush small businesses. Champion “affordable housing” by blocking every new build with endless environmental reviews and zoning fights. Bonus points if your signature bill dies in committee because you couldn’t whip three votes from your own caucus.
Master the Art of Scandal Survival
Got caught funneling public funds to cronies? No problem—call it “community investment.” Involved in a massive welfare fraud scheme that drained billions? Blame “systemic issues” and demand more funding. If federal probes come knocking over election-year grift or donor kickbacks, just trot out the classic: “This is a partisan witch hunt.” Voters will forget by next cycle, especially if you cry “democracy is under threat” loud enough.
Prioritize Identity Over Results Every Time
Competence? Who needs it when you check the right boxes? Promote staffers and allies based on identity demographics, not track records. If your appointee can’t string a coherent sentence together or confuses basic facts in hearings, defend them as “breaking barriers.” Attack any critic as “bigoted.” “misogynistic,” “homophobic,” or “Islamophobic” to shut down scrutiny. Remember: optics trump outcomes. Being Anti-Semitic is still permissible.
Champion Criminals While Ignoring Victims
Release repeat offenders early because “mass incarceration is racist,” then act shocked when crime spikes in your district. Defund police budgets, let shoplifting go unchecked, and lecture citizens about “root causes” while your own neighborhood hires private security. If a high-profile crime wave hits, pivot to gun control speeches faster than you can say “thoughts and prayers.”
Perfect the Flip-Flop & Gaslight Combo
Run as a moderate, then govern like a radical. Claim you’re “tough on borders,” then support sanctuary policies and open migration. Promise fiscal responsibility, then balloon deficits with pork projects for donors. When called out, insist you “evolved” or that critics are “twisting your words.” Practice in front of a mirror: “What you saw wasn’t what you thought you saw.”
Lie With Conviction, Deny With Outrage
From exaggerated resumes (Stolen valor? Nah, “embellished service”) to denying obvious failures (“The economy is booming if you ignore the data”), falsehoods are your best friend. Get caught? Double down, accuse the media of bias, and rally the base with victimhood narratives. Integrity is for suckers; narrative control wins elections.
Bottom Line
If you’re gunning for a Democrat slot in 2028, forget policy wins, ethics, or results. Check off incompetence (endless gridlock), ineffectual leadership (all talk, zero delivery), and corruption (scandals are just “politics”). Master these, and you’ll blend seamlessly with the party’s hall-of-famers in failure. Can’t stomach it? Maybe try the other side—where results still occasionally matter. Your call.
Don’t be screwed! Avoid democrats, avoid disaster!
— Steve
